you're welcome?

When I say "thank you" you say......

"no problem"

"it was my pleasure"

"don't mention it"

"why of course, anything for you"

or the most popular - "you're welcome"

Right? Okay, that was a rhetorical question I'm not going to wait for someone to comment and say "right, Morgan" for me to continue with this post. Moving along...

I was thinking about all this the other day after I had thanked someone for a present they automatically replied with "you are welcome."  What does that even mean? I understand what it means to thank someone, but what does "you are welcome" really mean? It's like singing the words of a song when you don't know what they mean. I'm not quite sure if I am comfortable saying things that I don't fully understand the meaning of...I know I am making this a way bigger deal than it needs to be, but oh well. I over analyze; it's what I do.

Webster defines "welcome" as a transitive verb :

1 : to greet hospitably and with courtesy or cordiality

2 : to accept with pleasure the occurrence or presence of something (welcomes danger)

Alright, Webster, you've cleared things up a bit for me. When being thanked and responding with a polite "you're welcome" I am accepting with pleasure the occurrence. So I am accepting someone's thank you?  

"Thank you for this present; I love it!"

"I accept your thank you with pleasure." <--isn't that awkward?

I've been racking my brain with the meaning "you are welcome" for over 36 hours. I've googled the crap out of it, too. On one website I found, readers posted what they thought it meant. The response that made the most sense to me was: The person is welcome to the services you have provided them with. The reason this makes sense to me is that "are" is a linking verb. So in reality you are linking the subject, you, to something, being welcome. I understand the intentions of that, but if you substitute the meaning in for the word it would be a little rude wouldn't it? 

"Thank you for this present; I love it!"

"You are welcome to the present."

Let me get this straight, you give someone a present then after they thank you for it you tell them they are welcome to have it? That makes NO sense to me. If that's the case shouldn't you welcome someone to the services as you give them? Saying "you are welcome" before someone has thanked you is rude though. Right? That is another rhetorical question. I'll tell you; it is rude.

If any of you understand the meaning of "you're welcome" please enlighten me. In the meantime I am ceasing all usage of the phrase. When I say thank you I usually mean to say:

"no problem"
"it was my pleasure"

"don't mention it"

"why of course, anything for you"

Alright, I've over analyzed a bit here this morning. It isn't making sense to me how a polite response is in reality, not very polite. That's all....Thank you

trimming the fat

As many of you know, I have had quite the tumultuous past five months. I've had trials, tribulations, and I've definitely been tested (ps is that enough "t" words for you? They all seemed to flow together so nicely and sound fancy, which is definitely my style).  Not only have I been tested, but my friendships and relationships have been tested as well.

I've been on a roller coaster with how I handled and felt about these wavering and not so supportive relationships in my life. Initially, I was hurt. I've already told you I used to be a bit of a friend whore. I defined myself by being social and having tons of friends. I was social, and I did have a lot of "friends" (please notice the quotation marks as to indicate their so-called status and lack on genuine compassion and understanding for me). I thought that no matter what happened to me, no matter what I was going to go through in life, and no matter what I did my friends would be there. BUZZZZ: wrong answer. Maybe I am naive for thinking that, but that's the type of friend I am. I want to be there for my friends no matter what, I will never judge them and I'll be there when they go through things that aren't all sunshines, rainbows and drunken summer nights (that's what my friends were there for...they were fun to party with and be around when things were good...but that's the only time). I'm not just there for the highs, I'm fully capable of being a friend during the lows as well.

Getting a divorce changes everything. It changes your address. It changes your name (wooo can't wait for that!). It changes who  you are and what you do. It changes your priorities. Unfortunately, it also changes people's opinion and need for you in their life. After struggling for months with people not being supportive and keeping their distance from me - as if I had some type of terminal, disgusting, and highly contagious disease that no one wanted to be associated with - I realized it was time to trim the fat.

Isn't that such a disgusting saying? You trim the fat off of a really yummy piece of meat. I have this image in my head of sitting at a restaurant and pushing the gross fat off to the corner of my plate because I don't want to accidentally put it in my mouth and be forced to chew and come to the realization that: EW that is not steak that is fat...whoa that was a long sentence - anyways moving on. I had a lot of fat in my life. A lot of people that I didn't have pushed off to the corner of my plate far enough and they left a bad, unwanted taste in my mouth. I reached out for them on multiple occasions only to be rudely turned away or judged. I made excuses for them. I thought 'ok they have never been through something like this, they don't know the protocol on how to act and what to say.' Well that's just dandy that there I was going through this really awkward, horrible situation and I was making excuses for people who were being complete shady un-friends (I thought about putting a curse word in here but restrained myself... maybe next time). These people were supposed to be my best friends and they were anything but. They judged me. I already judged myself and didn't need the people I trusted and leaned on to do the same. They didn't act like friends.

It is hard to go through some of the things I've dealt with, but not impossible. I don't feel sorry for myself, and I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I've made all my own decisions and I'm living with them (and might I add I'm happy with all of them). Sometimes it seems like the absolute worst in the world, but it isn't. It's just a bump in the road. There are people out there that have it much worse and it could be worse for me, too. I'm well aware of all of this and I'm not throwing myself a pity party. I would venture out to say that losing friends was probably the most difficult part of all of my last few months. It is a bittersweet feeling. On one hand I am sad to have invested so much of myself and my time into these people I truly considered to be members of my life long family. It's never easy to close a chapter in your life, especially when the chapter ends on a negative note. Losing friends is hard, but losing "friends" with quotations around their titles is essential and a very refreshing feeling when it's all done.  

I'm at a very happy place in my life. I like knowing that the people in my phone book truly are friends (I trimmed the "friends'" numbers by pressing the good 'ol delete contact button). It is nice to know that the people - although fewer than before - I surround myself with care about me and care about my happiness. They aren't shady. They are happy for me when things are going good, and when things aren't going good they listen, give advice, understand, love and never judge. They don't always agree with my decisions or paths I've taken, but their job isn't to agree. Their job is to be a friend.Trimming the fat has let me focus on the relationships that matter most and mean something to me. I'd rather have a really amazing small circle than a big circle filled with shady losers...okay they aren't really losers per se, that was mean...shady.... shady...wait for it..... .hmmm.... okay I got nothing. I can't think of anything very nice to say :)

I'm not in any position to ever give anyone any advice on anything. I would, however, urge you to evaluate the relationships in your life. If there is fat in your life, trim it. Then you can focus and devote your friendship to friends that deserve it. Only surround yourself with good, genuine people that won't turn their back on you when you reach out or do something shady and mean (that sentence sounded good at first, but I just had to add the "shady and mean" part...for emphasis). It's better to trim the fat before you get hurt and come to a realization like I did that the people you thought were your friends are not. Maybe you aren't at a low point right now, but chances are you might have one. When you do, it will be reassuring to know your friends are there for you and they don't have quotations around their title.

lyrically speaking

Do you ever stop and actually listen to the words of songs or just sing along without knowing what you are singing?  I do both. Well, I do the former after doing the latter and thinking 'hmmmm is that really what I think it means?'

I bring this up because I'm jamming out to a little Ace of Base right now. Yup. Total 90's jam session in my lovely, little cube on this frigid, Wednesday morning. So I'm all tapping my pen and moving my head to "all that she wants" - and if you were wondering, yes I feel very cool when I do this. I always thought the song was about a girl that wants to have more kids. Like maybe she meets guys with good qualities and therefore derives they must have good sperm. So she wants a baby then she's gone. Then it happened. I saw the sign (bahahahaha I crack myself up). I had an epiphany. The girl wants a baby as in a boy toy, then she's gone tomorrow. She doesn't want a kid! This song came out in 1993 and I just now (well about 19 minutes ago) realized what the song is actually about. Ha. Sweet life.

I remember going to the Mall of the Bluffs and getting my first CDs. I think this was probably in 1995, which would have made me 9. I was so excited to take them home and put them in my walkman (or was that for tapes?) or discman...whatever it was called.  I imagine I saved up Christmas or Birthday money to buy these all on my own.  I picked TLC's CrazySexyCool, which might I add is still a pretty f'n sweet CD, and Joan Osborne's Relish.  As soon as we got home my mom sat me down at the kitchen table and took out the little CD insert to talk to me about the songs. She was THOROUGHLY impressed by the images of T-Boz, Left Eye and Chili naked and only their private parts being covered by burlap sacks. I told her Waterfalls was my favorite song in the entire world (at the moment, of course). So she asked me what it was about because I clearly knew all the words. I remember looking at her blankly and thinking 'wow you are so dumb mom!' I replied in a snotty and slightly bratty tone "um waterfalls, duh!"  BUZZZZZZ wrong. She read the lyrics line by line and explained the song was about a drug dealer and someone that had AIDS and they both died. So I was a little off thinking it was about going on vacation and seeing pretty waterfalls. Thanks Mom. 

This summer I rediscovered Eazy-E's Gimme That Nutt. To my surprise, I still remembered most of the words. As I was driving home one day jamming out and singing, ahem rapping, a little too loudly with the windows down, I realized what I was actually saying. Perhaps I would be wise to know the meaning behind the words I say. Not such a big deal now, but in sixth grade my friends and I thought this was the coolest song ever. Not so sure at sixth grade my friends and I should have been talking about all that business! I hadn't even open mouth kissed a boy at that point!! I was wise beyond my year's...or something like that... 

Okay, back to work.

In which we discover: I have no self-control.

Literally. No self-control. None at all. Let me explain.  I'm not Catholic, but I thought with so many people around me giving things up for Lent I would give it a try as well.  That lasted all of....two days.

I wanted to give up candy. If you know me you know how incredibly hard this was going to be. I eat candy not only on a daily basis but rather a 12 hour basis. I need candy everyday - multiple times day. Love it so much. Well, turns out you can get diabetes at any point in your life. Maybe I am really naive, but I thought you were born with diabetes and that was that. Turns out that isn't so much the case. I had no idea that by eating too much sugar you could develop it (among many other causes). Not cool. I do not know how I don't have more cavities, weigh 30 more pounds, or have diabetes already. It made sense to cut back on candy, and Let was the most opportune time to do it.

Wishful thinking. No such luck.  I had great intentions, and I was actually a little excited for this challenge. Challenge, consider yourself victorious in this little bout. I have been conquered by the sugary goodness and lack of self-control. I've already had at least three cups of m&ms (yup thats right, not packages or handfuls: CUPS), a bag of cherry Twizzler nibs, two candy necklaces, one package of orange crazy core Skittles, six Hershey's kisses, two cherry blow-pops, a watermelon push pop, and five chocolate covered cherries. I've managed to consume that much candy since Thursday.....It's only Monday if you weren't aware. Most of it was eaten yesterday, too. Biggest Loser, here I come.

Holy moly. It doesn't seem like that much candy while I'm eating it, but when I type it all out like that...sounds real bad!  I have no self-control. If candy is around it is eaten.

If you gave something up for Lent - I wish you luck. I also admire you for your self-control.  Spending money and candy are my vices. Maybe someday I'll get some control, but in the meantime oh well!

Good luck to you.

ps - What's your secret??

shoulda, coulda, woulda

You know that moment when someone says or does something and it gets under your skin in the worst possible way? The moment when you are astonished someone could actually act that way, let alone to your face? You become so incredibly taken back by their words or actions and your mind goes a million miles per hour thinking how to react? More times than not, for me this is always a "shoulda, coulda, woulda" moment.

Hours later I ponder the incident and think of something so perfect and so right that I should have said or done. I string together all the right words with just enough sass and tact that could get my point of disdain and frustration across. The facial expressions I would choose to accompany the words would let that wrong doer (Of course they are the one that is wrong, I'm never wrong. Oh, and this is my blog so no debating that one - I'm always right.) that I'm not messing around.

The other night I was sitting and talking to my sister and one of her friends about things people have done or said to us. We were all so frustrated and appalled by these incidents, and we said to each other "oh I wanted to say - blah blah blah oh no you di'int (insert finger snap and head bob here)." We didn't actually do that in the  moment though. We all responded to these situations with a fake plastered on smile, bit our lips to fight back tears, made some remark as to dismiss the situation like it didn't actually affect us and walked away. Walking away doesn't mean we let it go. We are girls, of course we don't let it go. We sit. We think. We dwell. We plan. We conjure up what we should have, could have, and would have done if given the chance just one more time. We most definitely do not let it go.

I like the saying: the past is practice. I've come face to face with so many of these situations that I'm at the point right now where I'm fully aware when one is happening. My past has given me practice. I know that my response and reactions are not what I want them to actually be. I know I will walk away and think 'UGH shoulda, coulda, woulda!"  I'm all talk. I don't back it up. My bark is delayed and much bigger than my bite.

I really would like to decrease the number of shoulda, coulda, woulda moments in my life and increase the moments where I look back and think 'Yep, I did that. I am pretty f'n good.' I think the first step is deleting (or at least decreasing) my usage of words like "should", "could", and "would". Less trying and planning and more doing is what I need. I've got it figured out, now it's time to execute.

VD, I'd like to show you where to shove it.

I titled this "vd" instead of Valentine's Day simply for the fact that I thought it would be humorous if people thought I was blogging about an unwanted STD, which I do not have...an unwanted STD or any type of STD. Did the joke land? No? Moving on then, but for the record I have no STDs.

Valentine's Day, I'd like to show you where to shove it. I held off posting this until today. Had I created this lovely masterpiece yesterday it would have made me sound more lame and pathetic than usual with a dash of bitter and side loneliness. You're excited to read this now aren't you?

Valentine's Day is a lot like country music. Sometimes I really like it, and sometimes it's quite depressing. It's one of those things you really like, or you don't. There isn't much of an in between or grey area. I used to be in the group that loved Valentine's Day. It was an opportunity to buy Barbie Valentines and eat tons of candy without anyone stopping you. If you don't recall, I will refresh your memory: it was also my favorite day in elementary school. I excelled on Valentine's Day. I got my mom to buy the good candy, the coolest Valentines, and it was the day of all days to use my creativity and imagination on hardcore, bad ass boxes (yes, I just said hardcore, bad ass box...ha).  

Once I discovered boys (yes, Nate, I discovered them) the day took on a whole new face and place in my heart.  Barbie Valentines were a thing of the past replaced by flowers, teddy bears, and more adult-ish candy. Turns out flowers, stuffed animals and candy are some of my favorite things in the world. What's not to love!  I couldn't find anything not to love about this Hallmark holiday, until this year. Flowers, stuffed animals and candy were nonexistent. Bummer.  

Valentine's Day and country music, you kind of suck. I don't need a reminder that my life isn't the fairy tale I thought it would be, I have no boy planning for days what to do for me on Valentine's day, and I live with my parents, which I actually kind of like - but let's face it, I don't sound very cool (even though we all know I am a super cool chica) saying I'm 24, divorced, and living with my parents. ugh. The only thing that could make me more pathetic sounding is if I actually had an venereal disease, or I don't know...blogged about how Valentine's Day made me sad this year. Oh, wait...That is exactly what I'm doing.

The day wasn't a total depressing, pathetic bust. I had a yummy breakfast with good friends and lots of laughs and shoved my face full of food I didn't need with the best date ever - my sister.  Even better, my dad gave my sister and I money to do something on Valentine's Day. Yes, my dad took pity on us for being single and valentine-less. We  gladly accepted the pity and purchased greasy cheeseburgers and fruity drinks with fun umbrellas. I'm definitely one of those girls that buries my feelings with food. The sweeter, saltier, and greasier the better it works. Thank goodness Valentine's Day is only 24 hours. I would be on The Biggest Loser if it were a month long celebration of love and lovers.

Is there a country song about being alone on Valentine's Day? David Allen Coe should have added that to the end of his perfect country and western song. Alas, the 15th of February arrived and that silly holiday is over. The only reminder I have that I was alone on Valentine's Day is this blog, which I probably shouldn't have posted, but I spent my entire lunch hour typing it and everyone that reads this knows I was alone anyways. 

Not to worry, next year I will blog about how much better VD2011 was and how I am still STD free and not on The Biggest Loser. 

*for the record I think this post makes me sound more pathetic and depressed than I actually am. I didn't hate the day just disliked... a little. As with country music, I am not a huge fan right now; but the wind will shift, my mood will change, and I'll be in love with the day again.

windshield washer fluid, oh how I love thee

*Warning: this post is going to be fairly lame, but at this point you should not be surprised.  I have embraced my lame, which makes me kind of cool for knowing and liking that I'm lame.  Although thinking I am cool is a little lame and makes me less cool. Hmmm... The pickle I am in.  Anyways, yeah I am obsessed with windshield washer fluid, so you can imagine how interesting this post is going to be.  Continue reading if you kind of like my lame factor, too, and you want to learn about my obsession.

So a lot of things about winter really suck. The bad roads, getting the slushy snow/salt mix on the bottom of your pants, not being able to do stuff outside, the weather ruining plans among many others.  On the flip side, there are a lot of thing about winter that are pretty awesome: my birthday (insert woo here please), Christmas, sweat pants and hoodies are not only acceptable but encouraged, hot chocolate, snow days, how pretty the trees look covered in snow, and the opportunity to use windshield washer fluid at least once every five minutes.

I. Love. Windshield. Washer. Fluid. Seriously. Love. Love. Love. Love. It. If you were wondering, the periods add emphasis and style.  Sure you can use washer fluid all year round, but never do you ever get the mass amounts of opportunities to push that little button and watch the magic happen. Swish, swish goes the blue stuff, and my windshield is clean!

I think it is fun to push buttons, and I think it's fun to wash windows. That plus that equal AMAZING. Now, I will attempt to transition into an analogy I use when I talk to myself, because I do that...a lot. I have friends and family that are the washer fluid to my windshield I call life. Hallmark is totally going to jump all over that and make a card out of it! Sometimes I feel like I could use washer fluid in my everyday life, not just in my car.  Things get messy, blurry and I don't always know where I'm going.  I think we can all use some clarity from time to time, or at least I hope we all can and I'm not alone in this!

More and more I've learned that you need people like this in your life - to help you find your way, show you a path and give you some clarity on what's going on.  Lately, I have been only surrounding myself with people that are a positive influence in my life - big or small, day to day or in the big picture.  These people help me get where I'm going and I think I can help them get where they are going. Life is too short not to be happy all of the time, and with that comes surrounding yourself with people that make you genuinely happy.  I'm talking about the kind of happy that you don't have to fake, it's there and it makes your heart smile.  Just like washer fluid.

So to you, those people in my life that are like washer fluid, thank you. In the spirit of Valentine's Day, which I will more than likely be blogging about how stupid that day is, I love you all. You bring me clarity and make me smile.

Not such a bad analogy, huh? Nope, pretty good if I do say so myself.

seriously people?

For the past few weeks I have been completely shocked and OH SO annoyed by some of the articles I've read in the news.  This morning was no different.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35337306

"Ohio man accused of tattooing a tot's rear end" <-- seriously.

This 20 yr old doucher tattooed a tiny "A" (police said it was smaller than a dime) on a 1 yr old's butt.

1. What does the "a" stand for?
2. Why the F would you put a tattoo on a kid's butt?
3. Where the h - e - double hockey sticks was the mom? 

I seriously do not understand some people and what goes through their heads. I'm 24 and I wouldn't put an "a" on my butt let alone encourage anyone else to do it. What was the motivator here that impelled this guy to put an "a" on a little girls booty? Hmm...can you call slash consider it a booty if they are one? I don't know. I just feel lame for saying "butt" so much.

Wait people this gets better. This guy was from Ohio. We have some local doucher parents of our own livin' "the good life" in Nebraska.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/27/nebraska-mother-41-arrest_n_439800.html

Read that then go ahead and puke in your mouth.  Mom sleeping with her teenage boy NIGHTLY. Not once. Not twice. Nightly. Not that once or twice is okay either but come on EW! I feel so bad for this kid. He's 15 right now, and this happened when he was in 7th and 8th grade. Holy smokes is he going to have issues. The dad "had a feeling" something was wrong. Um okay... You had a feeling? Well pa what did you do about this feeling? Because the kid told a school counselor, that's how authorities found out. So sounds like you didn't do anything about your hunch that something, something REALLY wrong, was going on in your kids life. I'm not blaming the dad, I blame the gross, demented, messed up, lousy mom. She was addicted to pain pills. Um okay ever seen House? He was addicted to pain pills and he didn't go around sleeping with teenagers...although there was that one episode with the blonde girl and her dad...hmmmm. Nope, still not okay. Just more messed up.

Here's another DUMB one. Dear god let's hope they don't get an MTV show.

http://www.beatricedailysun.com/articles/2010/02/01/news/local/doc4b5f11a5477f1228702132.txt

I'm surprised the losers (read it they really are complete losers) admitted all the stuff that they did in that article. Seriously, seriously, stupid people.  I don't even know where to start on this one.  Okay, so you think it's fun to duct tape your little kid to the wall and taunt them my taping their sippy cup out of reach? Wow. You are awesome. NOT. I used my Borat voice on that one. Yeah, okay, I don't have a Borat voice. Moving on.  So the mom tells the police that this was for "their own entertainment". Oh, your own entertainment. I get it. Okay, that makes perfectly, logical sense now. Seriously people? How is that entertaining? Crying babies are annoying and that made the kid cry, making this sound no fun right off the bat. Even if the kid didn't cry, this wouldn't be fun for me: point of clarification.

So the mom goes on to say that put the kid in a coat closet with no light. What in the world is wrong with you? Her parents have to be SO proud. I hope my parents are reading this blog. Mom, Dad, please note how messed up these kids are. I don't even use real cuss words in my blog! 

"...they were most likely under the influence of marijuana at the time..." Again with trying to justify this behavior. Do you think that admitting that  makes it alright to do? Do you think people will understand and feel bad for you? Seriously people. Ugh. I am so annoyed by all this!  Why would they tape the kid up and why take a picture of it? Please tell me WHO would be impressed by seeing that photo. Aren't you supposed to keep cute pictures of your kids in your wallets to show people and brag about your kid. Does this "mom" go to the grocery store, run into a friend, and whip out the picture of her 22 month old flipping off the camera, crying, trying to reach its cup but can't because it is taped to the dang wall with duct tape? If someone showed you a picture of that what would you do? 

Okay know what I just thought of? No you probably don't. Well it's your lucky day because I am going to tell you. How much would it suck to be that kid. A lot right? Yeah a lot. Think about when they take the tape off. OUCH. These people are sociopaths. They have to be.

On to our next douche bag. 

http://www.journalstar.com/news/local/crime-and-courts/article_c7810f88-dfaa-11de-9adb-001cc4c002e0.html

and

http://www.journalstar.com/news/local/crime-and-courts/article_0a6438a0-10f4-11df-b2e2-001cc4c03286.html

Now this guy goes back and forth on how the baby's tongue got cut. I watch enough crime/detective shows to know HE'S LYING!!! dum dum (just an fyi - that was the law and order noise because I just cracked the case)

The article said "the cut extended almost the full length of the baby's tongue and was nearly deep enough to cut all the way through." Let me get this straight. A baby was crying, which turns out they do - deal with it douche! So to stop him from crying you put your hand in his itty bitty mouth and pinched his tongue? That would make me cry! Then you cut it. Logically how is inflicting pain on someone, especially under the age of one, going to make them stop crying? Think people. Use your brains.

So there was a third article right after this all went down and the mom of the baby who was dating the douche bag said 'she couldn't believe it' and might end their relationship. Okay way to go mom. That's great because he sucks and that makes sense. Hold up. She married him, AND is having a baby with him.  Seriously people?

I would like to end this post by saying thank you to my parents. Thank you for not sucking at life like these people. I have kind of been holding a grudge that neither of you got me one of those little pink jeep things for toddlers that you can drive around - not the big wheels you have to pedal - the kind that go on their own. Seriously... I've always been a little hurt I never had one of those. You will be happy to know that riiiiiiiiiight.... abouttttttt...nowwwwwwwwwwwwww.... Yup, I just let it go. Not holding on to that anymore. 

Alright I'm all sorts of worked up now, but it's time to work.

That's all.

My name is Morgan, and I am a creeper.

Ahem, my name is Morgan, and I am a RECOVERING creeper.

Let me clarify...again (third time's a charm), my name is Morgan, and I am a recovering fb creeper.

I remember the day it began, sitting in my Sandoz dorm room with my friends, eating our easy mac and wondering "what is this facebook site?".  That was in 2004, which seems SO long ago.  I was an fb creeper in all senses of the word. I creeped on pictures, about me sections, status updates, who was friends with who, and definitely clicked "wall-to-wall" about a bajillion times a day. I hate spelling errors. Is it bajillion or bagillion? They both have the little red squiggly line that means "Morgan,  you idiot, that isn't how you spell that! FIX IT!" Hmm.... let's allow both spellings for the sake of this post.

I creeped (ps creeped isn't a word either..hmmmm get with it spell checker!) on friends, I creeped on friends of friends, I creeped on the guy who sat three rows in front of me in classes - and usually I'd add him b/c we saw each other every MWF at 9:30 for 50 minutes, which made us friends... right? Ha. Depends who you ask.  One of my friends would tell you this made me a "friend whore".

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=friend+whore

He was right. Blah. How pathetic! It's what you do on fb- well okay maybe not what YOU do on fb, but it's definitely what I did on fb!  The first step in fixing a problem is admitting you have one...right?  So I did, I knew that logging on to fb AT LEAST once an hour just to see what had happened and having over 1,500 fb friends was a slight issue.  I checked fb more than I checked online news sites.  As if (<--does this statement like totally take you back to clueless? no? Oh, it does for me...okay digression you are done) checking facebook updated me on what was happening and going on in the world INSTEAD of google news or cnn.  Really? Seriously? Yes, that is what it came to.

Ugh how lame!  I could have been one of those people on intervention!  I'd be the pathetic girl that was addicted to fb. Her family and friends would talk about her problem, how it affects them, and her life on a daily basis. People at home would sit and judge.  They'd text their friends and say "OMG this girl is totally a fb creeper on intervetion, thank god we aren't her." If you were wondering, I did just refer to myself in the third person, I'm def cool enough for that. You are, too. Alright, Morgan (see I did it again) stay on task with this post it's going to be a long one and you know people won't read the whole thing...

Okay so I knew I had a problem, time to fix it. I did about three of those infamous "fb friend overhauls" where I went through my list of friends and if I didn't recognize the name WITHOUT looking at the picture and couldn't think of how I knew them dum dum dum (that was a scary noise) they were cut, ghandi, out, got the ax.  Basically, we weren't friends.

This wasn't enough.  I went through and asked the questions "Are you really my friend? Would we call each other to hang out? Other than saying 'Hi, how are you' would I have more to say to you that wouldn't creep you out because you'd know the only way I knew it was because I creeped on you? And would I actually care 'how you were' when you answered, or would I just say it to be polite?"  This is where it got a little messy.  Turns out I am pretty f'n sweet (notice Mom and Dad how I abbreviated the naughty word...I don't actually cuss :) hee hee!), and when people lose my "fb friendship" their lives come crashing down. It's almost as if the world ends. Not much of a surprise to me, I'm amazing. I'd totally be friends with me!  So yeah, these people got a bit cantankerous!  They took it out in their fb statuses.  Can I just say that I HATED it when people put depressing statuses.  Really people? You look so pathetic and lame.  So yeah, they got muh-add at me.  This is when I knew...enough was enough.

Time to deactivate. When you go to deactivate your fb account they put three pictures of your friends up and say "Heather will miss you! Molly will miss you! Brian will miss you!"  Doesn't seem like such a big deal... EXCEPT remember how I went through and made sure all of my fb friends were actually my friends? Well the thought of those random three people missing me made me a little sad.  So I chickened out, but the next day I went ahead and just clicked REAL fast as to not even look and see who would miss me.  I thought to myself "okay if they really are your friends, they'll text you, you won't fall off the face of their earth just b/c you don't have fb". Eh...that was true with some people.

So that's where we are today. No facebook for me. Of course I do know my sister's password and from time to time she'll tell me of some pictures I should creep on. I allow myself this little indulgence sometimes, but not very often.  I really have no desire to creep on people and what they are doing anymore. So if you are doing something interesting or want me to know something, text me please!!

I no longer need or want fb anymore especially now that I have a blog! Fills up my down time, which was formerly set aside for creeping.  Some of my friends have blogs, too. So now I feel like even a bigger and better creeper.  I can creep on their thoughts, not just their little status updates!  Woo! Okay, I just creeped myself out.  I'm sure that's how stalkers and hardcore creepers feel, is that what I am? ugh. Hope not.

You should check out their blogs.  They are in my inner circle of amazing people, which means they be legit and so are their blogs!

http://enoughrightenoughleft.blogspot.com/
http://natemchugh.blogspot.com/

Creep on them, I'm sure they won't mind! I do, and I comment the crap out of their blogs (because I don't have fb anymore so I have nothing better to waste my time on ha). When more people get blogs, I'll let you know those, too.

Okay this was long, probably a bit uninteresting, and made me sound lame - I need to make myself sound cooler to you people!

Happy creeping, and please keep me informed of what's going on in the world (of facebook) and your world!

my favorite day in school

In elementary, my favorite day in school was ALWAYS Valentine's day. What's not to love? I LOVED making a Valentine's Day box for my friends and classmates to fill with my favorite thing in the world - CANDY!  I remember my Valentine's Day box in 3rd grade; it was hard core. I'm not talking a little shoe box with construction paper hearts all over it; I'm talking hard. core. (the periods add emphasis - just an fyi) It was a robot! Oh man it was SO cool, I remember covering it in tinfoil and it had little heart eyes.  I had the best V-Day box in the class and then one girl who lived down the street, Laura, copied it. Ugh. Still makes me mad!  I bet she is still really chubby, too. Okay I'm not as bitter as I seem...or maybe I am...just a little.

In junior high and high school, once I moved to Nebraska, my favorite day was Bus Evacuation Day.  I never rode a bus in Iowa so this was pretty cool to get to do when we moved (yes I am that lame...I thought riding a school bus was fun and it was even more fun to learn how to evacuate the bus. Don't I get a few cool points for acknowledging and embracing my lameness? Yes, I feel as though I do...Okay let's continue).  I have no idea why I liked Bus Evacuation Day so much.  It took about 30 minutes and we got out of a class to go sit on the bus and learn about safety and how to get out of the bus in an emergency.  I think I liked this so much because: 

1. We got out of class. Duh. Always a good thing.

2. When we were getting on a bus another class was getting off, so that meant the older cute boys would see me.  Okay, that is kind of a lame reason. There were barely 100 people in my entire high school so pretty sure everyone saw everyone in our teeny little school with one main hallway.

3. We got to sit on the bus and if you were lucky, a boy would sit with you!  Cool kids in the back! It was always coolest to sit in the back. Everyone knows how to exit the front of the bus, but if you were sitting in back you got to exit the emergency exit, which for some reason excited me.

Okay, basically we can all come to the conclusion that I am entertained quite easily and I am fairly lame.

In college, my favorite day in school was always the day after the super bowl.  I was an Advertising major, which meant in every single advertising course we talked about the ads.  How great is that? Fifty minutes devoted to discussing television.  Not boring television either, the good, new and usually funny commercials.  I actually learned in these classes. I loved group discussions where we could talk about what worked and didn't work, how they could have reached the target audience more, which ads would resonate sales and which would be a complete flop. 

Well I'm not in college anymore, so I don't get to do this. Sad. Wait not so fast...I have an idea! This post is going to be devoted to the ads (as well as my lame stories of shoe box robots and sitting on a bus listen to the overweight bus driver tell us not to be to loud and stay seated).

I was a little unimpressed with some of the ads this year, but I did have some favorites.

As a whole, I thought Hyudai (woo sonatas!), Doritos, Coke and Bud Light did the best this year.

I really liked Doritos' first two commercials - the one with the little boy that slapped the guy and said "leave yo hands off my mama and leave yo hands off my Doritos!".  The commercial with the dog and the shock collar was clever, too.

Budlight had a TON of commercials this year, holy big budget!  The asteroid one was my favorite.  The house made of beer and the bridge one were kind of funny as well. 

Hyundai's Brett Favre commercial was really good. In my expert opinion, yes I am an advertising expert - and I have the oh so expensive piece paper to prove it, this was one of the best commercials. It was clever, funny, and perfect for the target audience.

I really liked the Griswold's commercial. This was for some homeaway.com thing, which I've never heard of. I'm biased just because the National Lampoon's Vacation movies are my favorite. It was great to see Beverly and Chevy, ahem I mean Sparky and Ellen.

Google's "French Love Story" was a pretty good commercial, too. I love google, and I google the crap out of anything and everything so I thought this was good.  I even liked that they spelled the Louvre/Louve wrong!

Finally, the Betty White Snickers commercial. I laughed the hardest at this one. Betty White is awesome. Snickers are awesome. This was great. Loved it.

I didn't like the Tim Tebow commercial - it was WAY too cheesy. It was lame...like real lame.  The commercial got a lot of hype before the commercial so I knew what it was going to be about, but had it not the message wouldn't have been very clear. The lameness distracted me too. Timmy and his mom need to focus on things other than a television career.  I didn't like the Doritos coffin commercial. This one was fairly creepy and just weird.  I'm tired of godaddy.com commercials, too. Blah.


I think it will be interesting to see if Dove's new body wash for men has a surge in sales. Clever commercial, in my opinion, but I'm not so sure a guy would like to buy "dove" soap. We'll see. More times than not, the ladies do the shopping anyways!

Okay, I have rambled a lot, which is no surprise, but I want to know what you guys thought about the commercials!  

Happy day after the Super Bowl, and hope you aren't all too hungover to comment!

24 things at 24

I make lists all the time, like ALL the time.  I'll make a low-ball estimate for you here...at minimum 4 a day.  Lists make me feel productive and give me a false sense of focus.  I also feel good about myself everytime I get to cross something off my list - sharpies are my crosser offers of choice (yup just made up that word...definitely not in the dictionary, but my blog = my rules). 

So I made a list the other day, which I've already told you about, 24 things to do when I'm 24.  You've asked to see it, so here it is! I say "you" as in people that have commented on my first blog and those oh so loved cuatro that are following my blog - KUDOS TO YOU, you rock!

drum roll please....

24 things to do when I'm 24

1. Start, maintain and keep a blog for one year
    Woo! I already started this so I am WELL on my way to cross this baby off!

2. Make a big purchase by myself, no help or advice from anyone
    I bought a car in December, which was a pretty big purchase, but my step dad helped me. I definitely NEEDED his help, but at 24 I think I'm fully capable of buying something BIG all on my own.

3. Apply for the Amazing Race
    I love, love, love, love, LOVE reality television, and I've always wanted to be on a show. At 24, I am going to fill out my application for the Amazing Race!

4. Lose 20 pounds
    This one scares me. I hope I can do it, but I have doubts. I am not going to cheat though. I want to weigh 20 pounds less than what I weigh now, which I am NOT telling you. I'll tell you if I cross this one off!  Initially I thought I could count: losing 3 lbs, gaining 4, then losing 1 as 4 lbs lost....ha but I won't do that

5. Read 24 books
    I don't think I've even read 24 books in my life, but this sounds like a fun challenge.

6. Learn to take a compliment
    I am horrible at taking compliments, I feel like people are making fun of me not being nice - how annoying!
    a. Compliment myself everyday
        I need to be nicer to myself.
    b. Compliment someone else everyday
        It feels good to get compliments, so I want to GENUINELY give out compliments everyday to the people I love.

7. Donate 60% of my  clothes and things aka useless junk
    I have been living out of a couple suitcases for almost four months, and I've been doing just fine with what I have. I need to get rid of my crap to people that need it more than me. Oh, and I am afraid of ending up on Hoarders so this should help.

8. Take a hot air balloon ride
    Have you ever seen "the ugly truth"? Well at the end of this movie they are in a hot air balloon, and it is simply amazing. I want an experience like that.

9. Take a completely random roadtrip - hopefully not alone
    I realize that putting this on a list makes it a little less than "completely random" but like I said, my blog = my rules.

10. Plant a tree
      I go through a lot of post it notes for all my lists, planting a tree would be good for me!

11. Take an exercise class
      eh...we'll see how this goes!

12. Volunteer
      I have lots of free time so why not?

13. Donate money to every bell ringer I see during the Christmas season
      I won't be able to donate wads of cash, but loose change is better than nothing.

14. Talk/call my family at least once a week
      You guys better not ignore my calls!!

15. Go to 5 concerts
      This just sounds fun to me!! I need people to go with though. I don't want to be THAT girl that goes alone.

16. Go to Las Vegas
      Can't wait for this!! Putting it on my list will FORCE me to save my dolla dolla bills!

17. Go to a State I've never been to (Nevada doesn't count)
      Flying over a state doesn't count either.

18. Kiss, play, and dance in the rain
      Okay, this sounds fairly lame in my head and even more lame when I type it out. I've watched a lot of sappy movies lately and this just seems like something I ought to try and do.

19. Watch the sun set and rise without going to bed
      I've done this before, but this time I don't want to be so drunk I can actually remember it!

20. Spend an entire weekend in my pajamas and in bed - and not because I am sick
      I hope to do this one like... ALL the time!

21. Build a snowman
      We've gotten enough snow this year for about 609,394 snowmen!

22. Drink champagne and eat strawberries dipped in chocolate...in my sweat pants
      I think this just sounds like a great idea. I love sweats, I love chocolate, I love strawberries, and I love champagne. Why not put them all together!

23. Climb/hike a mountain
      eh...not like Mt. Everest or anything, but a teeny mountain will do!

24. Get a pet
      I miss my dog, Wrigley, so much. I think about her everyday. I don't want to replace her, I just want a new pet, one that is all mine! (insert greedy voice here)

Okay, there you have it!  I'll keep you all updated on my progress!

ps I am taking volunteers to complete these items with me!

today...not tomorrow

We've all heard the quote "never put off till tomorrow what you can do today". For some, it makes sense. For me, it's just one of those quotes I've heard, I can recite, and I can pretend to live by it. The truth of the matter is, I don't.

I am a HUGE fan and avid practicer of procrastination. Is 'practicer' even a word? For the sake of this blog, let's just pretend it is. I digress (which you will soon learn and either love or loathe that I go off on tangents and ramble a crap ton - ps a crap ton is a whole lot), from time to time I tend to put things off until tomorrow or maybe even the next day just because I can.

Things are changing. I'm changing. The time is now. I've got things I want to change about myself and work on, and today is the day...not tomorrow.

I made a list of 24 things I want to do when I am 24 and number 1 on the list is "Start, maintain, and keep a blog for 1 year". I thought I'd start the blog on my birthday and begin 24 with a bang. Makes sense right? Yeah, of course it does. In my head it does. Waiting a few more days also seems to be procrastinating. Why not just start the blog today?

So here you have it. My blog. Will people read it? Probably not. Do I care? eh...not really. Starting a blog is on my list and gosh darn it...I want to cross off 24 items on my 24 item list.

ps I googled it...you will also learn I google and urban dictionary almost everything...I believe practicer is in fact a word.