shoulda, coulda, woulda

You know that moment when someone says or does something and it gets under your skin in the worst possible way? The moment when you are astonished someone could actually act that way, let alone to your face? You become so incredibly taken back by their words or actions and your mind goes a million miles per hour thinking how to react? More times than not, for me this is always a "shoulda, coulda, woulda" moment.

Hours later I ponder the incident and think of something so perfect and so right that I should have said or done. I string together all the right words with just enough sass and tact that could get my point of disdain and frustration across. The facial expressions I would choose to accompany the words would let that wrong doer (Of course they are the one that is wrong, I'm never wrong. Oh, and this is my blog so no debating that one - I'm always right.) that I'm not messing around.

The other night I was sitting and talking to my sister and one of her friends about things people have done or said to us. We were all so frustrated and appalled by these incidents, and we said to each other "oh I wanted to say - blah blah blah oh no you di'int (insert finger snap and head bob here)." We didn't actually do that in the  moment though. We all responded to these situations with a fake plastered on smile, bit our lips to fight back tears, made some remark as to dismiss the situation like it didn't actually affect us and walked away. Walking away doesn't mean we let it go. We are girls, of course we don't let it go. We sit. We think. We dwell. We plan. We conjure up what we should have, could have, and would have done if given the chance just one more time. We most definitely do not let it go.

I like the saying: the past is practice. I've come face to face with so many of these situations that I'm at the point right now where I'm fully aware when one is happening. My past has given me practice. I know that my response and reactions are not what I want them to actually be. I know I will walk away and think 'UGH shoulda, coulda, woulda!"  I'm all talk. I don't back it up. My bark is delayed and much bigger than my bite.

I really would like to decrease the number of shoulda, coulda, woulda moments in my life and increase the moments where I look back and think 'Yep, I did that. I am pretty f'n good.' I think the first step is deleting (or at least decreasing) my usage of words like "should", "could", and "would". Less trying and planning and more doing is what I need. I've got it figured out, now it's time to execute.