waiting for my rainbow

I was thinking spring was coming. My roommates - aka Mom and Step Dad - already have easter egg shaped, pastel M&Ms out in the candy bowl. I've ran outside a couple times, and I only managed to fall on my ass once from the ice.  This tells me spring was coming because there was only ice out once, not because I am so graceful that I can run on ice and not fall...because I can't. I was ready for sunshine  and nice weather. I thought it was almost here, too.

Then I walked outside to my car and begin my hour long trek to work - running about 12 minutes late as usual - and a I let out an ugh-ish sigh. My shoulders dropped. My face was disgruntled, and I thought to myself "really?" The yard, which was once covered in piles of snows but had been muddy and brown the day before, had about an inch of this sludgy, mucky white stuff. White stuff!? Really? Seriously? Snow? More snow? You have to be kidding me. I thought we were done with snow. What the eff (I know I said "ass" earlier... but it's too early for me to be talking/typing like a drunken sailor already)! When was snow in the forecast? Was it in the forecast? I don't really watch the weather, so that isn't a rhetorical questions. How frustrating and disappointing.

So I get in my car after brushing off all the effin' white stuff from my window and filling my moccasins with this cold/icy/rain/snow like mixture, and begin to carefully (yes, Mom, I drove carefully and cautiously as not to get into another accident...wait for it....okay...ugh-ish sigh again) make my way to work.  On my ride in to Lincoln I started to think - because basically that is all there is to do because I spend two hours in the car everyday and don't sit there and be a smart ass (I can say that bad word because I've already said it once) and say "oh, Morgan, you think? bahahaha" yeah, real clever...NOT... okay moving on - about how the weather is a lot like life.

One day everything can be going great. Everything is going just the way you pictured it in your head, and you are perfectly happy. No problems, no worries, nothing blocking you from your own kind of perfect and genuine happy.  You think to yourself how lucky you are. You think about how great you have it and how you never imagined it could ever be this great. You know those days? I love those days. Sometimes these last for awhile, sometimes they are short lived. I'll take them when I can get them.

Then you wake up the next day and BOOM your pretty picture of how your life should go is soaked in sludgy, mucky snow (snow is the metaphor here for something really crappy and sucky). The light at the end of the tunnel is further away - if you can see it at all. The sunshine has dissipated. Instead of all the good things you had going on, you now have depressing, less than stellar things to deal with. Everything seems so utterly bad and horrible that you can't imagine it ever getting any better.

This week has been so dreary and gloomy out, and it is hard not to let that affect your mood. It's hard not have the lack of sunshine in the real world affect the sunshine in your head.  There is that saying that goes "you can't have rainbows without the rain," which is so true.  Seriously, it is. I took meteorology in college and got an A-, take my word on this one. Rain causes rainbows.  Even in everyday life it is true, too. You can't have your own kind of perfect and genuine happy without a few raindrops here and there.  Ultimately, all of the challenges, frustrations, arguments, and sadness you go through make the rainbows that much  more vibrant and special.

For me it's hard to remember that the rain will go away, the sun will come and I will have a rainbow.  I'm a "right now" type of girl.  I've got a picture in my head of how things should end up if I was in charge, which I clearly am not because if I was we'd all be on a cruise to Turks and Caicos or somewhere tropical with a big umbrella drink in our hand and a cute boy named Fernando offering to top it off...ahhh let's think about that for awhile....okay enough...back to the blog. Even though I have a picture of how I want it all to be, I live for  right now and my visions past today get a bit clouded.

So as I sit here in my cubicle with my tiny space heater warming up my feet and drying my soaked moccasins, I stare out at the sludgy, mucky snow and think about the day it will all melt away.  It will. The clouds will vanish just like they always do. The sun will come out and I'll get my rainbow. Pretty early for an analogy already, but like I said my car ride gets boring.