life changing moments

Everyone has a few moments scattered throughout their life that completely and utterly change absolutely everything you know and think.  These moments make you re-prioritize, change direction, behave differently, and alter the way you think. Sometimes they are catastrophic; sometimes they aren't.  Maybe the moment brings joy; maybe it doesn't. They are the moments when the entire world stops. It's as if you are wearing blinders. Nothing and no one around you matters or even seems to exist.  Your world is turned upside down and you are left  with a million thoughts racing through your head but no words for how you feel.

I always hear people say "I know just what I was doing and where I was when insert event here." All of us can say we remember exactly where we were and what we were doing when the planes hit the towers on September 11th.  That was a day that changed everything for so many people - a horrific event that affected everyone. The same is true for when JFK was assassinated and various other historic events.

For some, April 15th will always be tax day, which is what the date always was to me...up until last year at least. On April 15, 2009 that all changed.  The date no longer signifies taxes are due.  Now, I think only about the life changing moment that hit me like a freight train.  I went to work just as I always did. Turned on my computer and began typing away at a proposal.  The only thing different about this day is that my eyes were glued to the clock watching each minute tick away.  I constantly checked my phone to make sure I hadn't missed a call and intentionally turned the ringer from vibrate to loud.  Sometimes when a life changing moment happens you have no idea it is coming. This was not the case for my moment. I knew I was getting news that day.

The week before my mom called me and told me she had found a lump in her breast.  I, being the cry baby I am, cried. She reassured me it was nothing to worry about and we'd know in a week the results from the biopsy.  Minutes kept ticking away and still no word from my mom.  With a few hours left in the day I decided to give her a call and find out what the doctor said.  Maybe this really was nothing to worried about and was such an insignificant thing that my mom just forgot to call me.  I dialed her number, but she didn't answer.  Jim, my step dad, did.  This was out of the ordinary. I knew instantly by the sound of his voice that something wasn't right.

Finding out that my mom, the person who I basically thought was invincible, had cancer was the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with.  It's been over a year since we got the news, and I am happy to report that after surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation my mom is cancer free and healthy.  It was a long journey with many bumps along the way.  We've stuck together and thanks to her strength, hope, courage and positive outlook we've gotten to the place we are today.

One of the things I've learned through all this is that everything does happen for a reason. I am closer to my family than ever before. I try not to take them or anything else in my life for granted, because I really am quite lucky and blessed. I also realized life is too short not to be happy every minute of everyday. When everything changes in a minute you realize what is important and what matters most to you. It is those things we should focus our time and energy on.  I urge myself and everyone reading this to reevaluate our lives and make sure they are the best they can be with no regrets.

an update of sorts

Turns out I've kind of been slacking on maintaining my blog lately - and by lately I mean the past month and a half.  I was doing so good at writing posts every so often, too.  Dang.  Well this is me promising to do better. I'm making this promise to myself.  I made that list of 24 things and gosh darn it I am going to stick to it and complete that list!

So much has happened in the last month and half, which is primarily why I've been such a lazy blogger.  Work has been so chaotic and hectic.  I got promoted to Marketing Manager - sounds so fancy doesn't it? If you didn't notice, I put "Manager" in italics because it adds emphasis and seems a little classy.  The other Marketing Coordinator quit, so I was completely swamped doing the work of 2+ people.  Oh how I miss overtime!  No worries, they finally hired another marketing person.  Hopefully that means my workload will lighten!  

So this post is kind of lame...short...and a tad pointless, but basically it is me saying "okay, I know I have sucked at posting, but I promise to do better."

That's all for now.

waiting for my rainbow

I was thinking spring was coming. My roommates - aka Mom and Step Dad - already have easter egg shaped, pastel M&Ms out in the candy bowl. I've ran outside a couple times, and I only managed to fall on my ass once from the ice.  This tells me spring was coming because there was only ice out once, not because I am so graceful that I can run on ice and not fall...because I can't. I was ready for sunshine  and nice weather. I thought it was almost here, too.

Then I walked outside to my car and begin my hour long trek to work - running about 12 minutes late as usual - and a I let out an ugh-ish sigh. My shoulders dropped. My face was disgruntled, and I thought to myself "really?" The yard, which was once covered in piles of snows but had been muddy and brown the day before, had about an inch of this sludgy, mucky white stuff. White stuff!? Really? Seriously? Snow? More snow? You have to be kidding me. I thought we were done with snow. What the eff (I know I said "ass" earlier... but it's too early for me to be talking/typing like a drunken sailor already)! When was snow in the forecast? Was it in the forecast? I don't really watch the weather, so that isn't a rhetorical questions. How frustrating and disappointing.

So I get in my car after brushing off all the effin' white stuff from my window and filling my moccasins with this cold/icy/rain/snow like mixture, and begin to carefully (yes, Mom, I drove carefully and cautiously as not to get into another accident...wait for it....okay...ugh-ish sigh again) make my way to work.  On my ride in to Lincoln I started to think - because basically that is all there is to do because I spend two hours in the car everyday and don't sit there and be a smart ass (I can say that bad word because I've already said it once) and say "oh, Morgan, you think? bahahaha" yeah, real clever...NOT... okay moving on - about how the weather is a lot like life.

One day everything can be going great. Everything is going just the way you pictured it in your head, and you are perfectly happy. No problems, no worries, nothing blocking you from your own kind of perfect and genuine happy.  You think to yourself how lucky you are. You think about how great you have it and how you never imagined it could ever be this great. You know those days? I love those days. Sometimes these last for awhile, sometimes they are short lived. I'll take them when I can get them.

Then you wake up the next day and BOOM your pretty picture of how your life should go is soaked in sludgy, mucky snow (snow is the metaphor here for something really crappy and sucky). The light at the end of the tunnel is further away - if you can see it at all. The sunshine has dissipated. Instead of all the good things you had going on, you now have depressing, less than stellar things to deal with. Everything seems so utterly bad and horrible that you can't imagine it ever getting any better.

This week has been so dreary and gloomy out, and it is hard not to let that affect your mood. It's hard not have the lack of sunshine in the real world affect the sunshine in your head.  There is that saying that goes "you can't have rainbows without the rain," which is so true.  Seriously, it is. I took meteorology in college and got an A-, take my word on this one. Rain causes rainbows.  Even in everyday life it is true, too. You can't have your own kind of perfect and genuine happy without a few raindrops here and there.  Ultimately, all of the challenges, frustrations, arguments, and sadness you go through make the rainbows that much  more vibrant and special.

For me it's hard to remember that the rain will go away, the sun will come and I will have a rainbow.  I'm a "right now" type of girl.  I've got a picture in my head of how things should end up if I was in charge, which I clearly am not because if I was we'd all be on a cruise to Turks and Caicos or somewhere tropical with a big umbrella drink in our hand and a cute boy named Fernando offering to top it off...ahhh let's think about that for awhile....okay enough...back to the blog. Even though I have a picture of how I want it all to be, I live for  right now and my visions past today get a bit clouded.

So as I sit here in my cubicle with my tiny space heater warming up my feet and drying my soaked moccasins, I stare out at the sludgy, mucky snow and think about the day it will all melt away.  It will. The clouds will vanish just like they always do. The sun will come out and I'll get my rainbow. Pretty early for an analogy already, but like I said my car ride gets boring.

Because....I'm Awesome!

Okay, maybe I'm not really that awesome. Ps does anyone still say 'awesome'...let alone refer to themselves as awesome? From time to time I do however remind myself that I'm not that bad, and I am awesome or some version of my own awesome.  Self indulgent? Yes, probably a little narcissistic, too. What's wrong with reminding yourself instead of someone else doing it for you? Answer: nothing - it's good for you. At least that's what I tell myself. You don't always have someone available to boost your ego or remind you of your inner awesomeness in all that you do.

My friend Cortney inspired this blog. Not only because she is awesome, but because of a conversation we had. Earlier this morning we were discussing pep talks and how we tell ourselves things to get us to act a certain way or not act a certain way...usually they are effective for an hour or two.  We aren't really legendary football coaches with the ability to inspire and motivate ourselves.  In my defense I've never experienced a motivational half time speech...that's because there weren't half times in speech and drama. I was quite the nerd in high school and as unathletic as unathletically possible. Geesh - I am full of excuses today!

Not only do I give myself pep talks, but I have certain music I listen to to motivate me and post-it notes galore with little reminders and messages.  I've even made rules for myself to try and follow. Do I always follow them? No not really, but they are there and sometimes they help.

So to start your day I just want you all to know that you are awesome. Don't forget to remind yourself, and if you ever need me to remind you I sure can!

Dwight also inspired this blog a little...but Cortney gets most the credit. Thanks, Dwight ----> Because...I'm Awesome

KISS

You know how there are those signs or stickers you can put on your wall that are just words? I'm talking about the ones that are intended to serve as little inspirational reminders like 'relax,' 'friends,' 'family,' 'simplify,' and the list goes on and on. The one that really gets me and leaves me scratching my head (not literally) is 'simplify.'

If you are simplifying your life does it really make sense to purchase stickers to put on your wall as a reminder or buy a sign to place on a shelf? In my opinion it seems to just kind of clutter things up a little more. Cluttering is more ore less of the opposite of simplifying...is it not? I'm not knocking clutter. For those of you who truly know me, you know I am the queen of clutter. Ready for a digression? I'm assuming you are all eagerly nodding your heads in anticipation of where I could possibly go with this one.  Wait no longer my friends, here it comes. One of my biggest fears is ending up on AE's show Hoarders...I'm afraid of this because it really isn't that unrealistic. I don't want to be on there with dead cats buried beneath things from 12 years ago and have people at home dry heaving in their utter disbelief someone could be that cluttered, messy, and lazy. Since I am so afraid of this I don't think it will happen. If you haven't watched this show, check it out - it is CRAZY. Moving on...

I am a cluttered mess in basically every aspect of my life. I've been tempted to buy one of those little signs or stickers - especially the 'simplify' one - I think I could use the reminder. I haven't actually made the purchase yet, simply because I feel like it'd be like ordering a number two supersized at McDonalds with a diet coke - just doesn't seem all that logical - very contradictory. Wouldn't you agree?

Simplifying is almost always a good idea and useful in everyday life. This is especially true in writing. I love writing, it's one of my favorite things to do. I wish I was better at it. It helps me focus and think through things. My english teacher, Mr. McCoy, always filled the margins of my essays with red ink and on almost everything I wrote it would say: KISS - meaning: Keep It Simple Stupid. 

If you haven't noticed, I am repetitive and redundant (is it redundant to say I am both repetitive and redundant because they are pretty similar? While I'm discussing redundancy this little parenthetical digression is redundant, too...dang it).  I tend to digress and and go off on tangents (digressing and going off on tangents is pretty similar as well, which means I was just repetitive in trying to get my point across...and redundant...again...geesh I am more repetitive and redundant than I thought).

When I blog or write in my journal I don't mind my redundancy or my digressions all that much. I use my journal and blog as an outlet for my thoughts. Maybe you find them interesting and entertaining - maybe you don't - doesn't really matter. How I write is how I think. I just start typing the thoughts that come into my head and with that comes redundancy and digressions galore. I imagine these entries are a bit hard to follow, and I do apologize for that.

Now if they had a little inspirational KISS sign or sticker - not as in smooch, rather meaning Keep It Simple Stupid - that's something I'd buy. Mr. McCoy would be so proud...that I remembered the saying...not proud that I continually fail to keep it simple.